+I'm really feeling the pagan thing lately. I get into these moods periodically, and I am in one BAD. I've spent, literally, hours researching books, trying to find my matron goddess (my heart is leaning towards Aphrodite, but I wonder if that's simply because I'm the most familiar with the Greek pantheon), looking for a pretty pentagram necklace (preferably decorated with rose quartz!), and just thinking and talking about what I feel and believe. I've also been trying to be out in nature more...I always feel more at peace when I'm able to sit out in the grass, in the sun, and soak up the natural world.

+I've been dressing up everyday for the past few days, which is always a good thing. I've been alternating between fairy-kei and Lolita. I have discovered I have a deep, deep need for lavender wrist cuffs. And I am very seriously considering buying this dress in purple for my graduation dress. I'd like to start incorporating a little more classic into my wardrobe...sweet classic, but just more florals and such. Also madly in love with this in mint. Omg. I need to make a sales post so I can afford new things, but I'm so nervous about the sales comm. I've never had trouble in the past...but so many people complain about it so often!

+I'm starting to stress about graduation. I am VERY much looking forward to going home for a month and a half or so and doing absolutely NOTHING, just staying home and crafting and reading and going on walks. However, I need to get a job. I have no idea what I want to do. I also need to start looking for a place to live, which is more exciting, but I wish I could get the job first. But Trevor needs a place for June, so I need a place in June. I'm excited about moving in with Trevor, though. I miss him terribly. And it will be nice to move over the hill, so I'm not quite so far away from everything.

+Jeremy and I have been a little off and on lately. He's leaving for Thailand in a little less than a month and a half, and he's going to be gone for two months. We'll have been dating for four months in 2 days...I don't think we've spent more than three days apart in that entire time. And we've certainly talked everyday. When he's abroad, that is going to be very, very different. And very, very difficult. I'm trying not to think about it, and not to let it color the time we have left, but sometimes it gets to me. We keep having serious talks, which I like because one of the things I value about our relationship is how well we communicate, but it's been too serious lately. It's just hard with Thailand looming over us, and graduation looming over me...it puts me in a serious mood. I don't like it.

+I really want to go back to Japan. I could afford it, too. I could even afford to go to Japanese school for like 3 months. Or just live for 6. And if I got a job there, I could stay semi-indefinitely. Why don't I go? I don't want to go alone. When I do go, I want to be able to buy a shit ton of Loli and cute stuff and random shit, and the amount of money I have now would not allow me to live that extravagant lifestyle. Also Jeremy. That's the big one, if I'm going to be honest with myself. I talked to my friend Kym about it yesterday...she said it's just going to get harder and harder to leave. She's not wrong. But the idea of breaking things off with Jeremy to move to Japan makes my tummy rumble in an unpleasant way.

+I need to socialize more. I need to go to a Lolita meet-up. But I'm busy every weekend from now until June, doin' stuff. This weekend is Mother's Day, going home. Next weekend my mom and I are going shopping. The weekend after I'm going to the GLEE concert, which is terribly exciting. Then it's Fanime! That will cure my need to socialize. But that's also weeks away still. I'll be seeing Iron Man 2 with my SC Lolis tomorrow...hopefully that fulfills my needs for a little while.

+I really wish I had a garden. If I could be constantly surrounded by plants and flowers, I think I'd be a lot happier, just generally. Darn apartment living. Maybe when Trevor and I move in together, I'll buy a bunch of indoor plants and make an indoor garden. Or maybe I'll just start buying myself cut flowers. They're just so expensive!

+I have a midterm tomorrow. I'm not really worried about it, but I'm not looking forward to it. Multiple choice, Disney class. But the class kind of sucks. It's basically just the history of the Disney studios. Walt's start in animation, who worked there, who were the inspirational artists, blah blah. I was hoping to analyze Disney films...not so much. Bah.

+My skin is slightly better, but still shite compared to what it should be. But! I bought Burt's Bees Rosewater toner and I'm very excited to use it. It smells beautiful. And rosewater is something Victorian ladies used to cleanse their faces, so that's lovely.

I'm spending too much time thinking, obviously. Off to work now, gonna try not to think. Just scan books, move them around. Library stuff.
Cut for ranting and my thoughts on the relationship between Rape and Pornography )

Something less contentious: Kirsten Dunst as a Harajuku girl. :3


Aug. 11th, 2009 06:23 pm
Instead of going straight to graduate school at the end of next year, I think I want to move to Japan for a year or so. Go to one of the language schools, immerse myself in the language and culture, live in a tiny apartment in Tokyo, get a job tutoring English or a bilingual internship.

I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life lately and I really don't know anymore. I want to do something within the anime/manga industry, but I don't know what. Translation, editing, adapting, marketing...they all sound like viable options, and they all sound interesting. If it didn't mean a life of poverty, I think I'd just stay a student forever, but since that isn't practical, I need to come up with some kind of real plan. I've been leaning towards getting a degree in marketing, but I haven't reached the level of fluency I want with the Japanese language yet. A lot of the reason I wanted an East Asian studies degree was so that I could further work on the language. I want to research the culture and write about it and just learn, too, but I could do that in an informal way if I went to language school in Japan. And, really, one year in Japan is as expensive or maybe even a little less expensive than two years of graduate school.

So...yeah. I don't know if this is actually going to be feasible, but it's what I'd really like to do. I need to go back to Japan, and I think this sounds like a good way to get that accomplished. I mean, I need to look into scholarships (language school seems to average around a little less than $10,000 for one year, plus housing, food, airfare, etc), and getting a visa and all that jazz, but I'd really like to do this. I miss Tokyo like burning.

And Joel said he's willing to come with me. What more do I need?
They're making an American Death Note movie. DDD: Unless Zac Efron plays Kira, this just can't end well.

In much better news, there's a date for the JPop center!!!!!. Omfg, I am so excited about this. Aside from omg Baby store in the US, it's going to be such a wonderful communal experience for all the American Lolis; people are already talking about road trips from like Chicago and Houston! It's going to be fabulous. As catty and ridiculous as we can be online, I really do love the Lolita community as a whole. I'm so excited for this momentous occasion.

Also, I miss Tokyo like burning. Mostly I sort of consciously try not to think about it, but it's like I was living in this electric wonderland for three months where I had a best friend who I saw every day but wasn't taxed by, I was able to practice my for-realsies-not-classroom Japanese all the time, the food was slightly to die for, I got to go Lolita shopping every weekend, and I was alone most of the time in exactly the way I like to be. I know I'm romanticizing it, and I had a lot of issues when I was there but, really? Not that many. I really, truly enjoyed the moment and life while I was there. Ilived in the present instead of dreams of the future, which I really never do. Probably because I knew this was my only moment to enjoy it, but still. If (God(ess) forbid) something should happen to Joel, or we break up or somethng, that's it y'all, I am relocating to Tokyo. Anyone want to move there with me next summer? Just for the summer? Maybe? Please?

I'm really excited about this weekend. Thursday night is Star Trek with the SC Lolis, Friday my mom is coming up and we're going to go out and have dinner and paint the table and chair she bought me, Saturday is my very first tea meet, and then I am blissfully unoccupied for the rest of Saturday evening and Sunday. Lovely. <3
So, for our core class's final project my friends and I decide to make a J-Drama. It's a really stereotypical love triangle with a good girl, a good boy, and a bad boy, plus a bad girl who wants the bad boy and parents who have expectations of their daughter. Plus lots of gender bending for our amusement. Also, if you don't understand something it was one of the "Give us an A!" cookies we gave to the profs, and I am sorry for the crap quality.

Tokyo Romance )

I don't have a lot of lines, but I am definitely a...presence, ne?
It got so cold in Tokyo all of the sudden! I knew it would, but it's still kind of a surprise. It's been in the mid-50's, with added (subtracted?) wind chill. Brrrrrr.

This is why I wish I was in America. Forget the election, forget Mexican food and missing my family, I miss the American Lolita event of the YEAR. EVERYONE was there, jaysus.

Look! Look! I'm a Lolita, too! )

Everyone kept saying how pink I was today. I was just like, are y'all blind? I am BLACK! I am SUBDUED! I bought this dress specifically so I could wear a more subdued Loli in more everyday contexts. I can wear the more outlandish stuff at home in the states sometimes, but ever since my encounter with that man, I've been hesitant to wear Loli out when I'm not with people. And people here stare! I already get stared at, and I'm used to it in America, I guess, but back home I don't care what people think of me. It's that inner punk rock girl who never really went away; the I-wear-what-I-want-and-fuck-y'all-who-don't-like-it girl who's still in there, somewhere. But here I want to make a good impression as a foreigner and dressing like a giant cupcake doesnt necessarily give the best impression. I dunno. I'm trying to do it more, I miss it, and I've bought enough stuff to be an everyday Loli. Hee.
Here are the things you need to fit in in Japan:

+ Scrunchies. Yes, like from the 80s. I haven't been able to bring myself to do it, but omg scrunchies are everywhere.

+ Fake Fur. This wasn't true when I first got here, but within the last few weeks or so the Autumn/Winter stuff has come out and EVERYTHING has fur on it. Like, even wallets. Ear muffs and scarves that are basically skinned teddy bears. I kind of want something but, really guys, it's not cold yet. It was like 65 degrees today. It is not ear muff time yet.

+ Boots. Much like fake fur, boots are huge now that it is supposedly but not actually you crazy Japanese people colder. Slightly slouchy looking is best, ankle or below the knee. Black or brown, but sometimes exciting colors.

+ Eccentric ponytails. Top of the head. Side ponytail. Top of the head half ponytail. Top of the head bun. With a scrunchy. Again, like the 80's. This, I actually like but cannot seem to pull off. T_T

+ Knee Socks. They are all about knee socks here. Black is the most common, but girls wear them in all colors. Sometimes it looks slutty when they are more like thigh-highs with the short shorts, but sometimes its adorable.

+ Dropped/Low Silhouette. I'm not really sure how to explain the difference in silhouette here. Most girls where their dressed or skirts loose and long, with ruffles at the bottom or extra layers poking out somewhere around mid-thigh. I think it's supposed to make you look taller? It does emphasize thinness, everyone looks very willowy.

+ Cell Phone Charms. If your phone doesn't have at least a couple of charms, you are really not okay. Like, even little old grandma's have cell phone charms, y'all. The cool girls have at least like 2 or 3. Hello Kitty and Minnie Mouse are common.

+ Bag Candy. You know those keychains they sell that are really just extra decoration for bags? Yeah. Everywhere. Especially on like school girls, but older girls have them too.

That's all I can think of at the moment. It's been interesting adjusting to some of these things. Like, the dropped silhouette thing is hard. It's so different from what I'm used to and I think it's adorable, but I've had to buy new skirts because I didn't have anything like that. Anyway...I just thought I'd share. Now y'all can dress like cute Japanese girls.
I'm not 100% sure what it is I'm doing with all my time, but I don't update y'all enough. I think it's the travel time...I guess, I dunno.

I updated my camerawhoring journal, though.

Tomorrow I'm going to Puroland with Jessi! I'm very excited because it's a chance for me to actually wear Lolita outside of my house. I buy and I buy and I buy, but I don't really wear. I try to work some pieces into my everyday outfits, but that's really only jewelry.

I met with my Japanese tutor yesterday. We actually talked about real things for once! Not just "so what did you do this weekend. oh, ok, what are you doing this evening..." and so on. We talked about Star Wars! And Ewan McGregor! In Japanese! It's was exciting.

Ummm...........I really don't have anything to say. I'm bored in the computer lab, I am homesick. I might be coming home a few days early! So I'll get to see Twilight. :D




Oct. 13th, 2008 06:48 pm
The one bad thing I have to say about Japan is that it isolates me from all of my American fandoms. I can't watch Heroes online because the website is region locked! I can't watch Ugly Betty, either, for the same reason! I NEED TO KNOW WTF THE HEROES ARE UP TO, THE S3 PREMIERE AT COMIC CON PIQUED MY INTEREST! I NEED TO KNOW WHO THE EFF BETTY CHOOSES! THIS IS SO VERY NOT OKAY! And I don't get to HSM 3 or Twilight midnight or...ugh. Fricken Japan.

JK, I'm still loving it here. I mean, those things are upsetting, but...I'm in Tokyo, y'all. It only periodically sets in that I am actually here. <3

In other news, I'm buying a lot of Loli but not wearing it because I'm nervous about creepy men, I'm listening to a lot of Amanda Palmer, eating tooooooo many carbs, not enouch vegetables, and my non-verbals are in Japanese.


Oct. 1st, 2008 08:30 pm
So I think I may have finally secured my group of friends. I tend to like to be a part of a smaller group within a group, either as a couple or a few closer (usually female) friends, and I think I've finally figured out who my smaller group is! And it's a trio! I love trios. :D

Jessi, Niko, and I hung out pretty much all day yesterday. I think they may be my favorite people on the trip. I mean, I love everyone, but they are both pretty awesome. We went with everyone to Kichijouji and ate sushi, then came back here and watched Gurren Lagann! I had given it to Jessi a few days ago and she burned through the first half of the series super fast (it's hard not to), and we squeed so much over it on the train that Niko almost refused to watch it because he was afraid either we would ruin it with squeeage or that it was actually a girl anime in disguise. But, no, he loved it and is going to finish at least the first half so we can all go see the movie and experience the epicness of TTGL on the big screen. Omg.

After this awesomeness we went to Ikebukuro and went to Animate, had dinner, and then ice cream. It was so very fun. Although, Jessi and I felt like such lame gaijin otaku (foreign anime nerds) cuz she was in a Ninja t-shirt and wearing a backpack and I was wearing my kitty ear sweater. Yeah. And then Niko and I cemented our gaijin otaku status by actually doing caramell dansen in the store. Here is what caramell dansen is and the reason it is kind of horrible that we did it is that it is a ridiculous internet thing that only lame anime nerds do. Like, at AX, Joel literally pretended not to know me every time I would start dancing to it. And this happened frequently because anime nerds love to carry boom boxes and randomly play music at cons. Which is fun...but also so geeky it kind of hurts.

Anyway, it was a really nice day. And we hung out all today, too. It makes me happy to be part of a trio again. I haven't been part of a trio in too long. :)


Sep. 14th, 2008 01:50 pm
Joel goes to sleep so very early. I'm meeting Julien at 2:15 to go meet Jessi at Nakano Station at 3 so we can go buy phones in Akihabara, but I don't know what to do with myself until then. I've been doing stuff with people while at school and if I leave school with them, but on days when I don't see anyone I don't do anything. I shop. I've gone Loli shopping every weekend. Hopefully the novelty of having Lolita available every second of every day with immediate gratification will wear off soon. At least I try stuff on and don't just buy things anymore? I tried on the Baby OP I was going to buy and I didn't like the way it fit. I'm going to buy the skirt instead, which saves money. But I did buy The Most Adorable Dog and the World's Most Delicious Frappe (lol at title) JSK at Closet Child yesterday. I <3 it. The dog looks like Tia! And it's kind of cranky.

In case you're interested: better pics of the AP OP )

Mostly I'm bored. I want a phone so people can invite me to do things. And so I can decorate it. :D They sell adorable charms you can glue on your phone all over the place here and I am going to go all out because the phone I'm getting needs some cuteness.
My mom left today. I am doing surprisingly well. Mostly trying to distract myself. Watched Across the Universe, bought Kera and the lastest Gothic & Lolita Bible, ate udon/soba for lunch/dinner at the restaraunt nearby, online window shopped...you know. Stuff. Trying not to think about how...solitary I feel. I don't even have a phone right now, guys. I couldn't call anyone even if I wanted too. It's really very srange.

But! Instead of thinking about that I am thinking about clothes! When we were in Shinjuku the Marui Young had a Jesus Diamante store in the basement. Omg. Not as exciting as the LOLITA FLOORS!, but still pretty sweet. I should not look at JD stuff though, cuz if you think Lolita is expensive? Nothing compared to the real himegyaru stuff. But I do love the shoes...like these and these. There were just rows and rows of those shoes. And giant bows and flowery purses and...sigh. But I may talk myself into one of their necklaces. Most of their stuff is absurd, but the necklaces are on par with Loli stuff and nice jewelry is nice jewelry. Like say this or something similar cuz they have a lot along that vein. Not that I need that; I have plenty of cheap fake pearls and crowns.

So...yeah. Skype has been giving Joel and I trouble, which is really disappointing. It was really nice having video and chat. AIM is nice and all, but it's nice to see and here and type. Full experience. You know.

EEEE!!! I just read that a new Angelic Pretty store is opening in Marui Young!! I can totally go to a store opening NEXT FRICKEN SATURDAY!!! I can go see the Gurren Lagann movie and then go to an AP store opening!!! My next weekend just got a whole lot more exciting. :DDD


Aug. 29th, 2008 10:01 pm
So I'm here. Like, fully here. Like lying in what will be my bed for the next three months with the pillows and blankets that are "mine". My walls are boring. I have some cute stuff. It's thundering and lighetninging. It's all just very strange. My mom is still here which makes it feel less real, but I have a feeling I'll be posting some very long winded emo posts very soon. For now...I feel...I don't even know. Nothing but not empty. It's hard to explain.

Oh, and I'm going to start a Travel Blog cuz my family wants updates. Pics, stories, etc. There will be some crossover with this journal, but obviously there are some things I don't necessarily want my grandma reading.


Aug. 27th, 2008 04:57 am
Well, I'm here. I don't really know what to say except that who knew scrunchies would be big in Japan and oh my god do I miss Joel.

More when I'm not in a hotel.



Jul. 1st, 2008 11:21 am
My Japan housing packet came today!!!!! I'll be staying in a "weekly mansion" single, with my very own kitchen and bathroom! IT has a TV AND internet AND is in the district that Ranma 1/2 (one of my first and most loved animes) takes place in! This, however, means it is a FORTY MINUTE TRAIN RIDE PLUS A FIFTEEN MINUTE BUS RIDE to campus. Omfg. But I'm just glad to know where the hell I'm living, honestly.



Feb. 10th, 2008 07:51 pm
So, I'm thinking about this summer because I am very bored at work. I wanted to do an internship, but that was going to be hard because neither of the ones I want to do are paid and they are in SF and LA. But! I just realized that I'm going to be an undergraduate for a whole extra year. I can do my internship next summer, just as easily as I could this year. So, now I'm thinking about what I want to do. UCLA offers an intensive intermediate Japanese course that I could take. What is "intensive" you ask? Oh, just being in Japanese class/discussion from 9:00 AM until 1:50 PM with two ten minute breaks and one forty minute break in between, five days a week. I was thinking about doing an internship in addition to this, until I actually looked at the schedule which is omfg intensive. However, getting a whole extra year of Japanese out of the way? A very good idea. I might even be able to take some Chinese my last year, which would look good to the Asian Studies master's programs I will be applying into. I wish I could take a fourth year of Japanese, but we don't even offer it here at Santa Cruz because I wasn't thinking Asian History when I applied. Also! If I go to UCLA for summer school, I can go to Anime Expo, lol, which would be exciting. They have Lolita panels and meet-ups. :)



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