With all these engagements happening around me, I can't help but think... )

I'm actually not interested in getting married right now, though. Or even engaged. I love Jeremy to pieces, but it took me SIX YEARS to realize Joel was wrong for me, and we've only been together two. Granted, Joel and I were babies when we started dating, but even with the maturity adjustment I want another 2-5 years before I'm a wife. A WIFE. That's just such a weird, foreign concept to me. Which is exactly why I shouldn't be married. That and I need to feel more settled, in my life and in my own head. With the way my anxiety and depression have been looming so large for me lately, it's made me realize that I have a while to go and work to do before I'm ready to be someone's legit, for-life partner. But I'm working on it.

And it's still fun to look at pretty things.
I am going into wedding mode again, guys. Plz note that this entry is FRIENDSLOCKED because you know who doesn't need to know that I'm going into wedding mode? Jeremy. And he stalks my LJ/twitter/facebook cuz he's adorable a weirdo. It's not that I'm even really thinking about marrying him, necessarily, just weddings in general.

I spent...god, I don't even know how long, going through the EIGHTY-EIGHT pages of things tagged "wedding" on weheartit.

Wedding Picspam! )

Jeremy and I have been dating liiiiike a month and a half, with about a month of "casual nonexclusivity" before that. I'm not ACTUALLY thinking about marrying him, really I'm not. I'm just feeling romantic and reckless and he would be FREAKED THE FUCK OUT if he saw this (or maybe not, he knows I fantasize about weddings and the future we're probably not going to have).

I'm also avoiding school work, but what else is new. Mostly I'm feeling lost in my life and like I make all these good, forward thinking decisions that rely too much on logic and not enough on spontaneity and romance and a lust for life.

Is it so bad to at least fantasize about making stupid, beautiful decisions?
I have been watching a wedding marathon on the We channel. I love wedding shows, and it's actually nice becasue they're not all completely over the top budget wise. They've had $200,000 weddings, but also $10,000 weddings. I dunno what my budget will be...maybe around $10,000. Which is why I need to start thinking about it now, because I friggen need to start saving. Weddings are so expensive. T_T

Details are fun! )

...aaaaand that is all I have so far. I still need to think about table favors, bacherlorette party, engagement party, photography, food (although it's usually included, it seems), shoes, jewelry, honeymoon (Paris?), lingerie, and some other stuff. I might make another post soon with some of those things, lol. I'm all frenzied about weddings. I would just blame it on TV, but really it's a mix of Allie's engagement, getting old, Tim's baby, Cessily Abbott's engagement, and my own love of weddings that's doing this to me. I won't be getting married fo at least two and a half years, and that's if I have my way. If it's up to Joel, it will be longer. I just feel kind of ready. It's weird, because I still feel very young and my mom still pays for way too many things, but I really feel like I'm very certainly on the path towards being independent enough that I can actually get married. I'm not there right now, but I'm finally really on my way.
Yesterday I went to Joel's grandpa's wedding. It was...interesting. The wedding itself was really religious so I mostly zoned out and thought about what I want my wedding to be like. The reception was full of old drunk people who wanted me to dance because I need to "loosen up" cuz I'm "too quiet", including a great uncle who actually dragged me to the dance floor and forced me to dance with him. Ack.

But I know more what I want to do for my wedding... )

In other news, I haven't bought any new Lolita stuff in like two months. I am proud of myself but it's starting to get to me. I'm trying to save because it would be way funner to buy Loli in the stores in Japan and I still have to pay for Comic Con and Anime Expo and I want to buy other stuff while I'm there, too, but CHELSEA NEEDS NEW RORITA! It's kind of pathetic how much I want to buy new stuff. I haven't bought a new JSK in foreverrrrrr and homemade skirts aren't cuttin' it. :(
The average wedding costs $30,000! The average Disneyland wedding package costs $20,000. Joel said we can't get married in Disneyland because it is too expensive, but apparently it costs less than normal.


In three-ish years, y'all may just get an invitation to my wedding at Cinderella's castle, because, damn are the pictures on Disney's website beautiful.

ps i am having a pirates obsession. again. it was the leg nuzzling at the end. mmm.



August 2016

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