emilie_rainbow | Starting life again

I've been back three weeks now. I have a job that I really like taking care of 3-5 year olds all day. I'm moving in to a very nice apartment with room for balcony gardening and a big enough kitchen to actually cook in. I've been able to spend all of my time with Jeremy or my family, while still getting one evening a week to myself. Japan feels like a dream. But then, so does this. It's like...I exist in this unfeeling bubble. I am calm. I feel sometimes. But not in my usual depth. Which is good because I used to feel way too much. But it's bad because it feels so blank. I dunno.

I'm hoping once things get settled it will come back. But this is sort of how it was in Japan, I just didn't notice because there weren't a lot of things in my life that should've made me feel strongly. Japan was a healing rest, but you can only rest for so long and I want to be emotionally active again. It's weird to complain (am I complaining?) about this since it's the opposite of my normal problem.

The one bright spot is work. I never in a million years thought that child care was gonna be it for me but damn if I don't love it. I get to hold hands and cuddle with babies every day. Yes, sometimes they're snotty (literally) or lick me or I have to clean up an accident, but they're ridiculous laughs and hugs and "miss chelsea, watch what I can do!!" makes up for it. The only things I genuinely don't like have more to do with my particular school than the job. We never seem to have enough teachers on a given day, which can lead to a stressful atmosphere. I can't dye my hair bright colors (despite the fact that the kids LOVE my pink streak). I have to keep any future more obvious tattoos covered. There are some tensions between classrooms. But they've encouraged me to bring in activities to present in circle. I get to sit and help kids figure out numbers and letters and read about science. They're constantly singing Frozen (horribly). And there's just something about being called "Teacher Miss Chelsea", I dunno.