Abandon thought and let the dream descend

+ Today I am seeing the GLEE cast LIVE in concert in LA. ZOMG so excited. Also, I'm staying at my friends and she's in the shower right now, listening to N*sync, lol.

+ FANIME IS IN LESS THAN A WEEK ASDFGHJKL;! I am RIDICULOUSLY excited. Last night I had a dream that I left my Lolita stuff in Santa Cruz though, and I was very stressed out. I also missed the first VIP event in the dream and I cried because it. T_T

+ SPEAKING of Lolita, OMG FANTAISIES DANS LE WHATEVER THE HELL IT'S CALLED. I was already excited just generally cuz omg the GLB and Kera, but now I have a VIP ticket and ahhhhhh. I need to plan out my outfits! And put together my hime loli outfit for the fashion show. I have to work on making it less sweet...hmmmm.

+ I am SO excited to cosplay One Piece with my brother, his GF, and Jeremy! (Although Jeremy's Zoro costume is not even close to done and I'm starting to stress about it. D:) Also, my Luffy is kind of shit compared to my bro and his GF's Sanji and Nami. And I'm a little worried about doing a really basic rule 63 at a big con like Fanime...I'm worried people with judge me ;_;

+After Fanime I have to start working on my final projects for school...ugh. But then Jeremy's birthday! But then...holy, shit, I am graduating from college and my boyfriend is going away for 2 months to live in another country. I do not know what the emoticon for this feeling is.

+I'm really feeling the pagan thing lately. I get into these moods periodically, and I am in one BAD. I've spent, literally, hours researching books, trying to find my matron goddess (my heart is leaning towards Aphrodite, but I wonder if that's simply because I'm the most familiar with the Greek pantheon), looking for a pretty pentagram necklace (preferably decorated with rose quartz!), and just thinking and talking about what I feel and believe. I've also been trying to be out in nature more...I always feel more at peace when I'm able to sit out in the grass, in the sun, and soak up the natural world.

+I've been dressing up everyday for the past few days, which is always a good thing. I've been alternating between fairy-kei and Lolita. I have discovered I have a deep, deep need for lavender wrist cuffs. And I am very seriously considering buying this dress in purple for my graduation dress. I'd like to start incorporating a little more classic into my wardrobe...sweet classic, but just more florals and such. Also madly in love with this in mint. Omg. I need to make a sales post so I can afford new things, but I'm so nervous about the sales comm. I've never had trouble in the past...but so many people complain about it so often!

+I'm starting to stress about graduation. I am VERY much looking forward to going home for a month and a half or so and doing absolutely NOTHING, just staying home and crafting and reading and going on walks. However, I need to get a job. I have no idea what I want to do. I also need to start looking for a place to live, which is more exciting, but I wish I could get the job first. But Trevor needs a place for June, so I need a place in June. I'm excited about moving in with Trevor, though. I miss him terribly. And it will be nice to move over the hill, so I'm not quite so far away from everything.

+Jeremy and I have been a little off and on lately. He's leaving for Thailand in a little less than a month and a half, and he's going to be gone for two months. We'll have been dating for four months in 2 days...I don't think we've spent more than three days apart in that entire time. And we've certainly talked everyday. When he's abroad, that is going to be very, very different. And very, very difficult. I'm trying not to think about it, and not to let it color the time we have left, but sometimes it gets to me. We keep having serious talks, which I like because one of the things I value about our relationship is how well we communicate, but it's been too serious lately. It's just hard with Thailand looming over us, and graduation looming over me...it puts me in a serious mood. I don't like it.

+I really want to go back to Japan. I could afford it, too. I could even afford to go to Japanese school for like 3 months. Or just live for 6. And if I got a job there, I could stay semi-indefinitely. Why don't I go? I don't want to go alone. When I do go, I want to be able to buy a shit ton of Loli and cute stuff and random shit, and the amount of money I have now would not allow me to live that extravagant lifestyle. Also Jeremy. That's the big one, if I'm going to be honest with myself. I talked to my friend Kym about it yesterday...she said it's just going to get harder and harder to leave. She's not wrong. But the idea of breaking things off with Jeremy to move to Japan makes my tummy rumble in an unpleasant way.

+I need to socialize more. I need to go to a Lolita meet-up. But I'm busy every weekend from now until June, doin' stuff. This weekend is Mother's Day, going home. Next weekend my mom and I are going shopping. The weekend after I'm going to the GLEE concert, which is terribly exciting. Then it's Fanime! That will cure my need to socialize. But that's also weeks away still. I'll be seeing Iron Man 2 with my SC Lolis tomorrow...hopefully that fulfills my needs for a little while.

+I really wish I had a garden. If I could be constantly surrounded by plants and flowers, I think I'd be a lot happier, just generally. Darn apartment living. Maybe when Trevor and I move in together, I'll buy a bunch of indoor plants and make an indoor garden. Or maybe I'll just start buying myself cut flowers. They're just so expensive!

+I have a midterm tomorrow. I'm not really worried about it, but I'm not looking forward to it. Multiple choice, Disney class. But the class kind of sucks. It's basically just the history of the Disney studios. Walt's start in animation, who worked there, who were the inspirational artists, blah blah. I was hoping to analyze Disney films...not so much. Bah.

+My skin is slightly better, but still shite compared to what it should be. But! I bought Burt's Bees Rosewater toner and I'm very excited to use it. It smells beautiful. And rosewater is something Victorian ladies used to cleanse their faces, so that's lovely.

I'm spending too much time thinking, obviously. Off to work now, gonna try not to think. Just scan books, move them around. Library stuff.

All my posts have been me asking for advice, or ranting about something lately. I think it's time for a pic spam.

( Pretty Things )

Not really planning on buying anything right now, o' course. Gonna wait til after fanime...I hope AP brings blouses and boleros and stuff! I've been diggin' tops lately.

What have you guys been wanting lately?

Somehow I managed to miss the announcement about Oneesan's event at fanime! Who else is excited? And who else wants to go? $65 ain't bad, especially since I was going to fanime anyway so it's not like PMX where I had to decide if the entry AND the con badge AND the hotel were worth it. And this time I shouldn't be so distracted by boys! So excited!

Next quarter and summer are really looking up. Taking 2 easy and exciting classes (a Disney class and a Sociology of popular culture class) that start late monday and don't happen friday, so I basically have a four day weekend. Wondercon, Fanime, this Lolita event, graduation (urg), gonna meet Jeremy's parents, then spending most of summer at home relaxing, plus Anime Expo, one day of Comic Con, and Lady Gaga and possibly Green Day/AFI. Add to that a few exciting movies (Iron Man! Eclipse!) and once my finals are over (tomorrow at 10!), life is gonna be pretty sweet.

...of course I still have to make it through today. Went to bed at 3 last night, up at 6:30 for 8 AM "final" I'm still at, have two 3-5 pag papers to write today, then work from 11 to 2 AM, and I have to get up at like 9 or so to turn my paper in at 10. Sigh. But I soldier on, cuz after that it's my BIRTHDAY and then, like I said, life will become sweeeeet.

( OMG outfit shots!! )

It was so very nice wearing Lolita multiple days in a row. I think I wore Loli 4 out of 5 days, and the one day I didn't was the day of the Great SF Pillow Fight which was epic and awesome, and not completely conducive to Lolita. I always feel so much better about absolutely everything when I'm dressed well.

( It also helps that I finished my room at last! )

My room had gotten RIDICULOUS in terms of messiness, and I wasn't happy with the level of decoration. But now it feels complete! If only I could take the doors off my closet...sigh.

( 76 Starry Celebrity )

Not bad considering I've only been a Lolita for like 2 years, maybe a little less. :3

Angelic Pretty Event at PMX

And the next Weekend....

Hello Kitty Art and Fashion Happening

Frrrrrrick. Here I was thinking, oh good, there's nothing AP related happening at PMX this year, so I don't have to worry about getting myself a ticket and getting down there. And then, a MONTH before the frickin event, they announce an AP Tea Party/Boutique/Fashion Show! The weekend before Julia and I were thinking about trying to go to the Hello Kitty event at Royal/T! My love for Angelic Pretty and my love for Hello Kitty must duke it out and I really do not know who shall come out victorious.

I should ttly just go to both.

No! That is expensive and ridiculous, you cannot make the 6 hour drive to LA two weekends in a row!

BUT AP AND HELLO KITTY.

HNNNNNNNNN.

I saw a TERRIBLE movie today. It was Post Grad with Alexis Bledel. I was hoping it would be like a lame light-hearted fun sort of movie, but it was just awful. Even my mom hated it and she never hates any movies. As long as she's entertained, she's good, but this had absolutely no redeeming qualities. It was basically girl graduates college, girl doesn't get job, girl's life starts to fall apart, girl ignores male bff who's in love with her, male bff leaves for columbia, girl gets dream job, girl leaves dream job to follow boy (who she had no romantic interest in before) to New York where she has no job, apartment, or plan. So, basically, it's a much better idea to follow a boy who you don't feel chemistry with but is comfortable allllll the way across the country, rather than working hard and climbing your way up the corporate ladder to a job you've always dreamed of. Because love (that you're settling for) > dream career. Because girls can't have high powered careers, silly. And the girl who gets the job before her and was valedictorian and stuff? Bitchy, stuck up, and gets fired. Because that's what ambition gets you. Urrrrrrrg. Why can't movies about women and careers/education all be like Legally Blonde? Where she works hard, puts men to the side, and accomplishes something for herself? But I guess that's setting too high of standards for Hollywood. Silly me.

What looks like a much better movie is Drew Barrymore's Whip It. Ellen Page, Alia Shawkat, and it's directed by Drew Barrymore? Sounds good to me.

In other, unrelated news: two really cute Loli things!

Baby's Vampire Requiem. Omg, in lavenderrrrr. It doesn't go with my wardrobe, but it's just so pretty!

AP Hello Kitty Collab! I don't love it, so I'm not going to buy it, but it's a lot better than Baby's.

I also can't decide if I like the Friend Usakumya Lillian skirt. I like the yellow and the white, but is it too little kid-ish? I struggle sometimes with the fine line between "child-like" and "child-ish". What do y'all think?

( vanity vanity vanity )

It's Saturday night and I am: dying my hair, re-watching Avatar, stalking /cgl (there's a post about palantiriell and how our hair is similar!), and decorating my room. I am such an awesome 22 year old.

Speaking of decorating, I did not realize how much of a weaboo I am until I put up my posters. They're like 75% anime related, and like 10% Lolita related, and a few actual art pieces. It's adorable, I think anyway, but it makes me feel like a nerrrrrrd. I'll post pics once I'm done. :3

Okay kids, so I am in a rather awesome class called "Gender and Cultural Politics". It's basically all about the various ways one can be feminist through cultural politics and productions rather than traditional political venues. We talk about the Spice Girls and their meaning to feminism, whether or not prostitution and pornography are bad for women, and we watch a lot of Tyra. Like I said, rather awesome.

Now, for our final project we're supposed to create a counter-hegemonic cultural product, IE some kind of cultural artifact that in some way destabilizes or destroys the way mainstream society views sex and/or gender. So people are creating feminist beauty pageants, outlining a feminist porn project, writing stories for little kids about masturbation, etc. I have decided to create a counter-hegemonic Lolita ad campaign!

So that was a lot of feministy jargon, so I'm sure y'all are wondering what it means and what it has to do with you. My project is essentially going to be creating an ad for a Lolita line that is fundamentally different from what we usually see. I'm not going to have pictures of girls standing demurely with a parasol, or reading a book by lacy curtains. And certainly no girls turned into human candy commodities! I want real Lolitas doing real things, especially counter-intuitive things. So everything from pumping gas to reading playboy. Lolitas dancing, Lolitas reading comic books, Lolitas giving the finger, Lolitas holding activist signs and shouting, Lolitas mowing the lawn, Lolitas doing anything that someone who doesn't know anything about a Lolita would assume a Lolita wouldn't do.

Here's where you come in! Send me pictures of you doing counter-hegemonic things! Send me pictures of you looking trashy! Looking strong! Looking tough! Looking sexay! Looking anyway that isn't the assumed ideal of demure, dainty, and softly feminine.

Also, I doubt I have to say this, but this project IN NO WAY reflects my opinions on the Lolita as a lifestyle vs. a fashion debate, or even what I think about Lolita advertisement. I like the ads, I have a bunch of them on my wall, I think they're beautiful. I also don't think there is anything wrong with choosing to dress a certain way and follow a lifestyle that fits with that fashion choice. They're both expressions of who you are inside, and if you're dainty and like tea and cupcakes, more power to you. The point of this project is just to create something that is outside the norm and challenges assumptions that people may make about a person based on their gender and how they choose to perform it. Lolitas, based on looks alone, are choosing to perform their gender in a very traditionally feminine way. But that, of course, does not mean that all of us are classically feminine in our lives and I find this dichotomy very interesting. Ambiguity destabilizes, and by dressing one way and acting a completely different way you are challenging gender stereotypes. That is the point of this project. It DOES NOT mean that I don't love me some tea and cake and listening to classical music while I read A Little Princess by lacy curtains. I love that, too, and it's destabilizing in it's whole own way that would require more thought for me to articulate. I'm just trying to counter the way Lolita is typically marketed to it's audience.

Okay, that got really long. Been reading too much theory in between episodes of Tyra, or something. But, anywhoo, I want all y'all to help me in my endeavor! They don't need to be nice pictures, just a quick snap of you doing something outrageous/outside the norm/unexpected. Or even just looking unexpected, like stompy boots with sweet Lolita or a shaved head in hime. Help a sista out. It's due next Friday.

Thanks, dudes. :)