Abandon thought and let the dream descend

Why is it so hard to write the easiest stupid things? All I have to do is summarize this book. Five pages of summary and the briefest of analysis, and I just can't do it. I have like...not quite two pages, but I just can't do it. I'm sitting in the quiet library, listening to my study music, and all I can seem to do is internet pointlessly. Ugghhhh. I need to get this over and done with so I can move on to Japanese, too. I think it's because I've been at school since like 10. Not going to class...studying. In the library. I swear, it's like I live here.

Anyways. Book Review. Yes. I will do that now.

Sometimes I really want to raise my hand and say to the professor, "This is interesting and all, but is it directly related to today's lecture? No? Then can you stfu and get back to what we're actually being tested on plzkthnx."

I would NEVER actually say that, but when my professor goes off on a tangent about some controversy of history text books ten years ago for 20 minutes, I really really want to.

Also, omfg I have to pee and this class needs to be OVER.

My EAP application is due tomorrow, and I have been seariously failing at writing the statement of purpose. It's only supposed to be 2-3 pages, it's super easy, but I just cannot seem to get myself to write it. It's always the easiest writing tasks that throw me.

Have I told y'all about the most horrible assignment of doom that is coming up this Thursday? I am being forced to take part in a fashion show. That will be attended by "the press" because my teacher is making it a charity function. I have to walk a little catwalk, do a couple of poses, and be seen in a costumer I have made by a bunch of strangers. Not my classmates, strangers. I want to die a little every time I think about it. Also? For some horrid reason I decided I wanted to do Barbie as my character. This means I get to parade in front of these people in a mini-skirt and heels. KILL ME.

I hate the week before finals. Even when I don't have that much, the atmosphere is just so stressed out that you can't not let it get to you.

DO NOT WANT TO WRITE PAPER. AHHHH.

i'm home alone and it's Halloween and i'm scared. hold me. *wibbles*

Today I: practiced hiragana for an hour and a half, saw across the universe, failed at setting up wireless internet, and missed joel. Hiragana was fun, across the universe was beautiful and tragic, wirless was frustrating and missing joel is my eternal tragedy.

Now I am watching frida. I love this movie. Salma hayek is one of the most beautiful women in the world.

I'm sort of sad, but I'm not sure why. Across the universe made me cry. I miss joel.

So, I totally have two essays, two finals, 5 books, and a rewrite to finish before next Wednesday, but I also feel like it's summer already. It's not that warm, so it's not even the weather fooling me...it's just like when I went home for Thanksgiving two weeks before the end of the quarter and the next to weeks were HELL because I just wanted to GO HOME. I kind of feel like that, except not as...upset. Just...confused? Like, why am I still here. I dunno.

I've been LJ stalking this girl today. She's this adorable little 16-year-old in the pinkhair community, and she inspires me. I love the way she dresses, and her hair, etc etc. I love finding inspiring people on the internet. I know it's weird, and if I told anyone not web-savvy they'd think I was completely off but...I dunno. Why is it different finding inspiration from a person than from, say, an artist who I web-"stalk"? People post shit un-friend locked on the internet for a reason. So it's okay. Or, at least. That's what I keep telling myself.

My bangs are turning aqua as I type. It's pretty cool.

( summer plans... )

This entry was brought to you by procrastination and omg-why-isn't-it-summer-yet.

I have finished my opus. My life's (qaurter's) work is done, and now I can rest and watch Lost.

:)

I have this weird neurosis that whenever I'm flipping channels and Brenda Song or Ashley Tisdale are on the screen, I have to stop and watch whatever it is. I don't know why, everything they're in is more-or-less terrible, but I can't stop it. It's the strangest thing.

I have to go take a midterm in 20-ish minutes that is, supposedly, going to be very difficult. This teacher gives hard exams, apparently, but I've gone to class (mostly) and read over my notes and I don't think I'm as nervous as maybe I should be. I think I'm too nervous for next week which consists of:

Monday: Astro Mag #2 due
Tuesday: Reading and short answer essay for Feminist Thought due
Wednesday: Postmodernism & History essay due
Thursday: Feminist Though Reasearch Paper of all Importance due
Friday: exceptionally long astro homework #5 due

Do you see why I'm a bit more stressed about that?

Does anyone besides me enjoy looking at real estate listings for the general area where they would like to live when they're grown up? It's getting to that time where I start thinking about grad school (I started thinking about college this time in high school) and that makes me think about what comes after grad school, and I honestly can't decide which sounds more daunting. Real life seems harder, but money wise possibly easier since I'll have an actual job and won't have any sort of tuition to pay for, and grad school tuition is the definition of dauting since my mom won't really be able to help.

Money has been a bit of an issue lately. My brother is going to Cal Poly, officially, but apparently the state of California never received his GPA verification thing, so he's not getting any cal grants as of right now. That is where almost ALL of my money comes from, so my mom is understandably dismayed. I think I might have to start working more and definitely work this summer, instead of taking time off and only going to summer school.

Which, btw, I think I'm going to take some classes at UCSB this summer so I can double major if I decide to stay at SC, which I think I'm going to. When I really looked at the pros and cons of transferring I said...Joel doesn't really want to go anymore, so, fuck it, I'll just go for grad school. And that's the plan, man, at least for now. Whoe knows what I'll want to do in a few months because I have been incredibly fickle as of late.

Anywhoo, I'm off to read Little Women...

So....working at the library rocks my socks. I've been here for 3 hours and 48 minutes and all I've done is shelve books, check a few out, and spend a lot of time on the internets. Because working at the desk involves mostly being on the internets.

Now I just have to go home and finish my mid-term paper...and by finish, I mean start. Yeah. Before VMars. And I have to eat. Work was actually a respite from the stress of today...bleh. 10 more minutes then it's back to paper I go.