Mar. 9th, 2012

I'm about 85% sure I want to go along with this whole become a gender/media studies professor thing, but sometimes when I start researching programs and looking at what students who ARE MY AGE OR YOUNGER are doing, or what they have achieved, I feel hopelessly inadequate, get way too stressed out about how lazy/unmotivated I am, and mentally give up and look at funny gifs on Tumblr. The part that freaks me out the most is that it's not that I'm not SMART enough to get those kinds of things accomplished, it's that I'm too lazy to start, too shy to network, and too insecure in my abilities to feel like I could be the one running a conference, or taking lead on an academic paper for an actual journal. I don't feel like I'm legitimate, I'm too untrained, I know too little, but I have a BA and I SHOULD be trained enough, these other kids seem to be and ahhhh why am I so behind on being an academic overachiever. And then gifs, or I'll have a panic attack.

Maybe I'll just teach community college. Probably won't publish or go to conferences, but I'd make decent money and I can still bring feminism and a critical understanding of media into people's lives. Or I can get over myself and just start something.

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emilie_rainbow

August 2016

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