Lonely

Feb. 27th, 2013 03:32 pm
emilie_rainbow: (alone)
[personal profile] emilie_rainbow

Today is my third full day in Japan, and the first one I've felt lonely in a homesick way. Part of that is having spent a lot of time with one of the girls who lives in my building over the past two days, but it's also just like facing that I LIVE here now. For a year. This isn't a short jaunt, this isn't studying abroad, I live and work in Japan.

They play Ke$ha and Green Day a lot. I like it, but it makes me homesick. I want to buy all the clothes, but I can't because I have to pay rent and buy food and I don't have a "trip budget", I just have paychecks which I won't start getting til APRIL. There are a lot of clothes I'd like to buy for Jeremy, but we're not talking until he is demonstrably better, which goodness only knows when that will be. I DON'T like my apartment, which sucks. It's on the most convenient but also crowded train line, it's close to my favorite districts but a far walk from necessities, it's old and grungy and I'm doing my best to make it cute but there's only so much one can do. I have to wear sandals in the shower and I don't feel like I have space to myself, even though my room at least is private. The people who live there are nice, but social which I am just not. I like being invited to things, but I will turn down at least 50% of all invitations because I would rather walk around alone or sit in my room and watch Supernatural.

I'm actually really happy, I'm just starting to get a touch homesick. I know not talking to Jeremy is better than talking to him right now because he can't always hear "I'm sad and lonely" without telling me to buck up in a way that HE thinks is helpful but actually makes me feel bad for feeling that way in the first place. And I feel bad enough about being sad but...it would be nice to talk to him. I dunno. I'm doing okay, overall. I think I just tired myself out.

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