Lonely

[emilie_rainbow]

Today is my third full day in Japan, and the first one I've felt lonely in a homesick way. Part of that is having spent a lot of time with one of the girls who lives in my building over the past two days, but it's also just like facing that I LIVE here now. For a year. This isn't a short jaunt, this isn't studying abroad, I live and work in Japan.

They play Ke$ha and Green Day a lot. I like it, but it makes me homesick. I want to buy all the clothes, but I can't because I have to pay rent and buy food and I don't have a "trip budget", I just have paychecks which I won't start getting til APRIL. There are a lot of clothes I'd like to buy for Jeremy, but we're not talking until he is demonstrably better, which goodness only knows when that will be. I DON'T like my apartment, which sucks. It's on the most convenient but also crowded train line, it's close to my favorite districts but a far walk from necessities, it's old and grungy and I'm doing my best to make it cute but there's only so much one can do. I have to wear sandals in the shower and I don't feel like I have space to myself, even though my room at least is private. The people who live there are nice, but social which I am just not. I like being invited to things, but I will turn down at least 50% of all invitations because I would rather walk around alone or sit in my room and watch Supernatural.

I'm actually really happy, I'm just starting to get a touch homesick. I know not talking to Jeremy is better than talking to him right now because he can't always hear "I'm sad and lonely" without telling me to buck up in a way that HE thinks is helpful but actually makes me feel bad for feeling that way in the first place. And I feel bad enough about being sad but...it would be nice to talk to him. I dunno. I'm doing okay, overall. I think I just tired myself out.

Comments

[ari-fairy.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry you're feeling homesick :( It is sort of inevitable, so just... work through it the best you can. When I got there to study abroad, I was running high for a few days until I was in Closet Child and the radio started playing that song "Country roaaaaads, take me home, to the place, I beloonnng" and I started crying in the store and had to try to gracefully hide it while I walked out. I ended up getting home a lot sooner than expected, of course, but at the time I though I'd be there for 6 months and it was so painful to suddenly realize that I wasn't REALLY where I belonged.

Do you have whatsapp or LINE? It would probably help to text a lot with people from home. Some of the loneliness can just come from not interacting with people for long periods, in a way you wouldn't if you were "home". Obviously you'll still be an ocean away, but some chatting might help to at least take the edge off of that sadness. I have both, so if you want to contact me, feel free too. I'm (707) 543-6163 on whatsapp, and... well, for LINE I'll have to check.