shit got real

[emilie_rainbow]

It's amazing how quickly things have gone. Not six months ago, I was still (unhappily) attached to my first love. I was trying to figure out how to end things, but I was also terrified of going into the future without this person who I had based so much of my life around. But I was also excited to move into the future on my own. I knew I needed to end it, because we really weren't compatible, and I just didn't love him like that anymore. I was excited to be single and flirt with boys and maybe do that hookin' up thing I had heard so much about.

So how did I end up in love again? I'm not complaining, far from it, but it just kind of blows my mind, I guess. Jeremy came into my life so quickly, and we fell for each other so quickly...now we're talking about (maybe, mayyyyyybe) moving in together after graduation and whether or not we're going to take each other into account when making these big decisions about our futures, and if so how much, and just all of these other big big things. And it's frustrating because we kind of can't talk about them, or at least can't make decisions about them, because it's kind of far in the future, and he's going to Thailand for around a month at the end of June. We don't know what we're going to do while he's there...take a break? Be in an open relationship? Keep things the way they are? We want to stay together when he gets back...but what is that going to look like? He's going to live with his parents in Millbrae for awhile, try to find some kind of job. I'm hoping to move back up to the Silicon Valley/San Jose/Bay Area-ish, try to find a job. But should we move-in together? Should I try to move in with Trevor (my gay bff)? Should I live alone? Should I even move back up there? I want to be near my friends in the area, but will it be financially viable? If I could live with Jeremy, I think it would be. Probably if I lived with Trevor, too, but Jeremy and I could share a smaller and thus cheaper place. But is it too soon to move in together? My mom says it's impossible to say what "too soon" is because it's different for every couple...but, gosh. We'll be at less than a year when we move in, if we do.

I really love Jeremy. More than I expected to, and sooner than I expected to. From what I can gather from our conversations on the subject, I think he fell faster and harder than he expected, too. We just get along so well. Not everything is perfect, obviously, because it never is...but it's so much better than it was with Joel, it's hardly even comparable. So many people have told me I sound and seem so much happier. I'm sure part of it is that I'm still honeymoon-y over him, we've only been together like 3 months but...I don't know. I'm happy. All of this what's-going-to-happen-in-the-future business is weighing a little heavily on me, but mostly because I'm alone right now. When we're together, we talk about heavy things like this, and then we get through it and move back to laughing and happiness and lightness. We have a really good balance of that, I think.

I don't know...sorry if this was ramble-y. He and I didn't get to talk this completely through today, and my brain spins around in circles if I'm not able to talk about this kind of thing. Typing is kind of like talking. Kind of.

Comments

[j9isawesome.livejournal.com]

I agree with your mom, too soon is different for everyone. If it's not too soon it will just feel right.

I had no intention of being with anyone after my divorce, then I found matt and just fell for him so fast. We moved in together after just 6 months and I don't regret it a bit.

What about moving into a 2 bedroom with both Trevor & Jeremy? Is that an option? It would save everyone $ and it comes with built in fall back plan if things don't work out in the long run. It could be like your trial period to make sure the 2 of you would be ok living together.

[fireof1ksuns.livejournal.com]

Ditto on your mom's input. Both objectively, and because it totally suits my current romantic situation.

I'm really glad to see (read) you all happy, go with the happy! Life's too short to waste dancing around convention.

[allthesmiles.livejournal.com]

I definitely never ever thought I'd be worrying about a boy when I was trying to pick a job and plan a future, but low and behold, thats exactly where I am. AND about 4 months after I started dating my boy, he did move into my apartment with me for about a month, and it was the most lovely time (except he left my room pretty messy).

AND I got together with this gentleman while I was still with my previous boyfriend (whoops!). Convention, conshemenshion. When it fits, it fits.

After over a year (most of it long distance). I love him to pieces and I can't wait till we get to live together again. Here's to hoping I can find a job near him. So scary!

Soooo go for it, and if it doesn't work out, go move in with Erica!